Though I think the term 'Heart of Darkness' was adeptly use to describe the setting of Conrad's novella, I believe that it describes Beijing equally well. This city is constantly polluted, dreary, filled with misanthropic people and counterfeit products; it can all be very disappointing and underwhelming. But when confronted with such thoughts concerning the negative aspects of life in this city, I have to remind myself that I am often guilty of projecting my inner negative feelings onto the world at large. I also have to remember that I live in Beijing, so Beijing is an easy target for me to project my negative thoughts and feelings on. Finally I must understand that Beijing houses a culture, language and people much different from my own, and it is no one's fault but my own when I can't cope with my own negativity.
I have been wanting to pen something along these lines for quite sometime, as I constantly meet people that have lived in China for years but seem to despise it. Such expats have always blown my mind; why would you go on living in a place that you hate, especially since you are a foreigner and can leave whenever you would like? If I could slip back into negativity for a moment: I think those people are simply bitter because they have realized that they are unemployable in their countries of origin and must remain in China is they wish to work a non-entry level job for the rest of their lives.
I have lived in Beijing for 3.5 years and in that time I have met some of the most amazing, fun, intelligent, crazy, wild, beautiful, amazing expats from around the globe. They have taught about life in China and in general, about love and relationships, about navigating Chinese culture, and also about what bars have the best booze, where I could buy legitimate non-counterfeit condoms, and how to stay out of a Chinese prison. 99% of these people have become my friends because they are awesome in their own right and have much to teach, and I of course enjoy their company. But the other 1% of expats I have met are those that give the rest of us a bad name because they do nothing but wallow in their own self pity, all the while defaming China and its' people.
Life here can be wonderful if you let it be; this is China, after all! When I walk around Beijing I pass brand new Starbuck's across the street from 1000 year old temples. In Beijing over the course of one day I hear languages spoken from all over this planet, I see people from far off countries I will never visit, I eat at wonderful restaurants and experience cuisine from all over this planet. I also meet wonderful local and foreign people that make my time here truly worth living. So what is it about some expats that turns them toxic? What is so bad about the land of the dragon that would make someone hate their adoptive nation?
I admit, I have "bad China days", we all do. Sometimes I hate everyone and everything in this country, but then I just need to remind myself that I am projecting my negative inner thoughts onto Beijing, eat some American food, and watch some Always Sunny and such thoughts pass pretty quickly.
So again, what is it exactly that causes such hatred towards this amazing place in some expats? I assume a large portion of the hatred comes from the end of the honeymoon period that most, if not all, expats experience after first having moved to a new country. My honeymoon period lasted for about the first 10 or 12 months after I arrived in Beijing; I loved Beijing and was enamored by the Chinese culture and people daily, I couldn't get enough of it. But after that period ended in my mind I didn't slip into oppression as I had a good job, a great network of friends, and an amazing girlfriend. All of this worked to help me cope with the fact that I was just living in China, not some mythical magical wonderland wherein I could fulfill all of my expat fantasies. I have, however, see some people crash and burn after the end of the honeymoon; most of them simply left and went back home, but some of them hung around and let the ensuing negativity rule there lives.
Another major reason for the toxic expat phenomena is that many of us come here with grand ideas in our minds ranging from sexpat fantasies and conquering the Orient, to living life in a quaint, culturally and technologically backwards country where we will be viewed as some kind of foreign god. I have to admit, when I first came here I had no conception of modern China and thought I was coming to a hutong filled city where martial artists where going to be flying from rooftop to rooftop engaging in epic sword fights; I thought I was coming to the set of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I wasn't totally disappointed as I get my fair share of hutong revelry, but I do still sort of wish that I was in early 20th century Beijing as opposed to 2016 Beijing. Even now I have fantasies about living in times long past. But I have never allowed such wants to affect how I feel about living in modern Beijing, because at the end of the day I live in one of the most amazing cities in the whole world; I live in Beijing, one of the great capitols of this planet.
A large number of complaints I see arising from toxic expats concern race and culture, not their own of course, but the race and culture of the Chinese people. This sort of post-colonial racism always blew my mind; if they hate Chinese people then why are they living in China? I have to imagine that such racism isn't born inside them after they move here, I would imagine that such racist thoughts have always existed inside their hearts yet only grow after they have lived in China for some time. These people make me insane and sicken me, how dare they harbor racist thoughts against the people of their host country, and how dare they voice those thoughts to other expats that only wish to live here in peace. If you have spent any time in the bar scene around Yong He Yong, you will inevitably run into people like this: the expats that bitch and moan about how backwards and rude the Chinese people are, about how the food is awful, the government corrupt, the city filthy. I do think some of these things sometimes, not overtly racist thoughts, but about the people being rude and the city being filthy. But, as always, I have to remind myself that I am not Chinese, that no matter how long I live here I will always be a tourist in their culture, and I cannot possibly understand their motives in terms of their actions within the context of Chinese culture.
I am honestly running out of fuel talking about this; I don't even know why I wanted to write this article in the first place because I am getting angry about these toxic expats. But a long time ago I learned not to associate with such people anymore; one of the things that makes this city so wonderful is the group of amazing friends I have, they truly make life worth living in Beijing.
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